Weird Text Interlude


An unknown number texted me:

Them: “Tied”

I was going to ignore it, but got more and more curious:

Me: “Hi, who is this? Got a txt from u yesterday just saying ‘tied’!?”

Them: “It’s jeremy kyle lets do a dna and have done”

‘dna’ is university code for Did Not Attend. Is it one of my students? For a while, I was thinking, “where have I heard that name before? Is it someone I know?” Then it dawns that I’m being taken for a ride. I think it might be a mistake:

Me: “I think u have got the wrong number!”

Them: “Is that patrick”

Me: “No, it’s Alex”

That should have been the end of it. But no:

Them: “Once you kill a cow got to make a burger”

This immediately made me think of Lady Gaga’s Telephone vid (it’s what she says to Beyonce). I wanted to say something ridiculous that could be interpreted any which way. So I went for:

Me: “Once u eat a burger u gotta take a shit”

Them: “Eeee”

To Be Continued?