Dirty Pants and Doggy Treats


Lisa told us that Devo has developed a habit of running into the bathroom and grabbing her peeled-off knickers and taking them to his dog bed for a thorough chewing.

My parents bought Esther a pink plaid sleep-suit for Christmas, and she now wears it all night and most of the morning. In order to spend as much time as possible in it, she has cut a handy slit so she can wee without having to remove the suit.

I still haven’t found my bag from the weekend, although my coat has turned up. I am preparing myself to grieve for my extended family: niece ipod and her jelly babies, uncle diary, and smutty great grandad scarf.

I often wish I could meet myself when I’m out and tipsy: I could slap some sense into myself if I’m being a cunt, or maybe giggle at my stupid jokes. I could even check myself out for some homoerotic frisson. Yes I think I would have liked me on Saturday night.