Lisa’s Fuzzy Logic

Lisa came to tea tonight. Not out of choice, but because she was scared of being in the house, sober, when Dom’s BFF Geoff (or should we call him BFG? He is very tall) comes round later to feed them because their cupboards are bare. Before we set off back to ours to cook (shove everything in the oven), Lisa asks;

“Would it be weird if I brought my own plate”

“Of course it would. Why?” replied Esther suspiciously

“Because it’s the right size for my belly” she ‘explained’

It turns out that as part of her new diet, she is only eating things that will fit on a tiny plate she was given for Christmas. Her other new year resolutions have the same fuzzy logic. Esther and Lisa have decided to become artists. Last week Lisa proclaimed;

“Yesterday I started my journey through art…”

“Your what?”

“My journey through art. Well, I have started the book on Modern Art that Dom left in the toilet to read when he poos…”

“Of course that’s what you meant…”

Today I ask her how the journey is going;

“Oh that’s stopped now”.

It turns out that she was sat on the toilet reading when Dom shouted out in panic

“Your not reading that book again are you?!”


“Oh no…Don’t look at it- put it down NOW!!”

She thought maybe there was a dismembered whippet somewhere that he didn’t want her to see, then she realised that the page was covered with something sticky and brown. Nausea coursed through her,

 “Wh-what the hell is this stuff?”

“Erm…I sneezed on it. Don’t look at it!”

Thus began and ended her artistic education, at the whim of Dom’s emissions.


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