Every year Heat magazine gets readers to vote for their Weird (Male) Crushes.
I want to start a version for men. Here are my nominations:



Poster Mom for Redneck Republicanism

Sarah Palin
The bulldog with lipstick.



"Do you want afters?"

Anne Reid
The sexiest Dinnerlady by far, and she knew it.



"Ed Miliband is my glove puppet"

Harriet Harman
The smartest and most stylish outfit in Gordon Brown’s cabinet.


"Want me to whippet?"

Annette Crosbie
The woman behind Victor Meldrew



Who knew an IQ of 70 could be so endearing?

Kathy Burke as Waynetta
Disgusting smelly food stained slob, yet somehow cute?


Stockholm Syndrome anyone?

Kathy Bates in Misery
Powerful and psychotic, what a great combo


I am deliberately omitting the obvs: Helen Mirren, Stephanie Beecham, Honor Blackman, Grace Jones, because you’re expected to fancy them. What I’m after is the really freaky crushes you’ve got.


Who would you nominate?

3 thoughts on “WEIRD CRUSHES

  1. I really enjoyed reading your weird crushes, so I thought I’d fly the flag for the girls. Although obviously I am not speaking for all females here:
    1. In at number one, it’s Karl Marx. Ok, so he’s been dead for a hundred years, but oh that beard, oh those ideas! Gotta love that man.
    2. Second on my list it’s Stephen Fry. He may be gay with a propensity to be somewhat rotund, but wit and intelligence go a long way.
    3. Hannibal Lecter. As played by Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs and sequels, obviously, not the actual Hannibal. Even so, I admit this is pretty weird.
    4. Henry VIII, aka Henry Tudor, erstwhile King of England. Again, dead, not to mention his being a morbidly obese, syphilis-ridden, wife-murdering, monastery-dissolving megalomaniac monarch, but those long white socks in the famous Holbein of him really do something for me.
    5. And last but not least, it’s Ned Flanders. Ok, so he’s a nosey, do-gooding cartoon neighbour with a serious case of jaundice, but there’s a couple of Simpsons episodes where you see him with no shirt on and he’s actually pretty buff.

  2. Ah, Mr Metanarrative himself, Old Marxy was a rugged, hirsute sort, and I bet he was a ladykiller in his day. And Stephen Fry, the world’s favourite Oscar Wilde parody, could talk anyone under the sheets.
    However, I am a little concerned about your other choices: are you a masochist? Because you seem to like gents who would take you on a dinner date that left you feeling somewhat dead.
    And Ned Flanders- well your mother would approve, but no sex/debate please he’s an evangelical Christian. You really are polymorphously perverse. Well done for making my crushes look positively boring!

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