Stephen Fry has stirred up a shitstorm in Heteroville by denouncing straight sex as a sham:
“I think most straight men feel they disgust women. They find it difficult to believe that women are as interested in sex as they are. For good reason. If women liked sex as much as men there would be straight cruising areas in the way there are gay cruising areas”. (Stephen Fry shocks feminists)
Women can only see themselves as sex objects, just as men can. They enjoy sex narcissistically as in ’I must be so sexy if men want to do this to me’. In the world of porn, men can get what they want even, and maybe especially, if they are dog-ugly.
Our hetero culture is set up to fetishize the female body and to locate sexual desire solely in its curves. The Muslim attitude that women must be punished for their seductive bodies is just the thin end of our “she was asking for it” wedge.
“I feel sorry for straight men. The only reason women will have sex with them is that sex is the price they are willing to pay for a relationship with a man, which is what they want. They want a boyfriend and then they want commitment.
“Of course a lot of women will deny this and say, ‘Oh, no, but I love sex, I love it!’ But do they go around having it the way that gay men do?
Lots of women defensively claim to ‘love’ sex. This is what keeps the Western world running. Where would porn-fed sexuality be without the willing woman who sacrifices her body to the male ego? For women, sex is a necessary evil- a way to keep a man, the rancid starter to a meal of security and contentment. Despite many attempts to sexualize the male body, cocks and balls can never be made to look nice. As one friend put it “it looks like my boyfriend’s intestines are hanging out”.
Most women manage to mask the horror of a looming erection by some serious method acting: the Oscar-worthy groans of fake orgasms are ready and waiting to help their man dump his load.
“Gay men are the perfect acid test. If they want to get their rocks off, they go into a park where they know they can do it.”
I once read that for men, sex is just ‘a posh wank’. I was a virgin at the time and I thought, no surely not, it must be the best feeling ever and wanking can only hint at it.
When you factor in all the guilt and unrealistic expectations from both parties, sex becomes a mess. Is the other person enjoying it? Am I doing it right? I’d better not think about anyone else! This isn’t like porn…
All these thoughts pass through our minds and stop us from being in the moment. The fact is that typically men have an insatiable sex drive, and women have a periodic, fluctuating one. So what is the answer?
Should women give in to the constant pressure to have sex, for the sake of the relationship or to ‘relieve’ the man?
Or should they hold out only until they are equally ready and willing? Even if this take months? Many women feel that if they don’t give their man what he wants, he will seek fun elsewhere (either porn or other women). Which leads to another dilemma:
Is it natural and acceptable for men to seek out their thrills from porn and to go deep into the world of fantasy sex? Is it our ‘right’ to get a fix wherever we can? Boys will be boys etc.
As a species, we are programmed to spread our seed as males and to enlist the protection of alpha males as women. This is why as we age, men become increasingly drawn to younger women, and women become increasingly attracted to older men (and younger, healthier ones than their partner).
What’s the solution? Are our needs and sexuality so different? Does heterosexuality even exist? For example, if women can only narcissistically enjoy their own bodies, and men can only narcissistically imagine themselves to be the lead role in an imaginary porn scenario, wantonly deceiving themselves that her groans of pleasure are real, who’s abusing who? Is it all just smoke and mirrors, a silly role play where we get pleasure vicariously from each other?